I'm such a failure

So I went off track AGAIN!!! And went back up to 61kg - that must be my current set point. But after a 2 day diet I'm down below 60kg again, but I'm so disappointed in myself because if I had just stuck at it or even just not spend weeks continuously bingeing I would be at least below 55kg probably below 50kg!!  I am just so silly. I'm back to dieting - only 200 calories a day. That means about a under a kg lost per week =( not good but still its something, but I will still be a very fat 55kg by my 18th if i stick to that. where as if i had stuck at my diet from september I would be in the phase of eat whatever i want by now and being as skinny as i want without gaining because i would have reset my set point.  Also not having my gym membership anymore means a lot slower weight loss. According to my records I got down to 123 a wile back!! I'm so stupid. I hate myself!!!

Binge

I was doing so well then I just started feeling so weak that I thought I have to have something so I had some milk in my tea, then I was tempted by the soup and thought well I can have half a portion and water it down. It would be a total of under 100cals all together. BUT then I felt very full after just  a few sips but I felt it waste full not to have it all so I had all my portion (very small) but felt stuffed. so I thought I'm going to have to throw up to get rid of this. I then decided I might as well binge and then throw up so I did but of course I won't have thrown up everything so now I'm sure I've had over 1000 Calories today. That stops any weight loss today! =(   BUT  I shall now fast for as long as possible!!

xX Ana-Mia Xx

I'm Back

So I went really off the rails and continuously ate chocolate. gained a tone of weight and ended up at over 61Kg.. so on tuesday I stopped eating, by the end of the day I was still 61.2Kg which s about 135lbs. this morning I got on the scales hoping they had changed over night. They had, in the wrong direction, but I persevered. Now I just weighed myself in at 123lbs!! I was like what this can't be right thats about 57kg. so I switched to kgs and low and behold it did say 57Kg! =D
so I now must change my lost of 0.2kg per day goal calender to fit my new weight.

My Mesurements

Neck: 12.5 in - 31cm
Arms: 12in -30cm
Chest: 37.5in - 95cm
Ribs: 31in - 78cm
Small Waist: 28.5in -72cm
Navel Waist: 31in - 78cm
Fat Tummy: 34in - 86cm
Hips: 35.5in - 90cm
Thighs: 21.3in -  54cm
Calves: 13.5in - 34cm

Rewarding Myself

Current weight: 57Kg - 125lbs - 8st13 - BMI 22.8

Goal weight: 40Kg -88lbs - 6st4 - BMI 16

Goal 1: 52Kg - 115lbs - 8st3 -BMI 20.8     week 3-4       Bleach Hair 

Goal 2: under 50Kg -110lbs - 7st12 - BMI 20     week 5       Dye over Bleach       Less than FRHQ!!

Goal 3: 46Kg - 101lbs - 7st3 - BMI 18.4     week 8       Dye eyebrows/eyelashes

Goal 4: 43Kg - 95lbs - 6st11 - BMI 17.2     week 10       BellyButton Pearcing

Final Goal: 40Kg - 88lbs - 6st4 - BMI 16     week 12-13       Look Perfect!!!

I'm Back and Still 57Kg =(

I have not been at home for more than about 10 nights all together since my last post. I have mostly been at my (now ex) boyfriends house, we are still on very good terms, we are very good friends. I stayed at his again the night before last as friends because I needed somewhere to stay. anyway while I was at his he has been feeding me loads!! I cannot believe I didn't gain 10Kg! when I got back I was surprised to see my weight was still the same so despite the massive disappointment that I still weight 57Kg I am actually happy because I didn't gain anything.
I have decided to go on a diet of 2000 calories a week:
Sunday - Nothing
Monday - Nothing
Tuesday - 700
Wednesday - Nothing
Thursday - Nothing
Friday - 1000
Saturday - 300
Considering my goal weight calorie intake is 1300 cals per day, I should lose about 0.8 Kg per week taking into account my slowed metabolism.
So I should reach my goal of 40Kg in about 22 weeks which will be February the 12th.
I should be 41Kg by my 18th =D and I should be 52Kg by the time it is as become habit - Halloween time. =)
Time to set my plan into motion!

xX Ana-Mia Xx

57Kg and an obsession with numbers

I have reached goal one! BUT I stupidly thought I was not going to make it for ages so haven't brought my prize - eyelash dye, and have no money to go and get it.. sooo I've decided I'll give myself the next prize now. I will dye my hair and then dye my eyelashes when I reach my next goal. a new mini goal also means a new BMR - my body would use 1379.8 calories at my next goal so I will now be using 1380 (rounded up, it worries me when I round up) as my calories to NEVER go over in a day, and my aim is in any 3 days for that to be the maximum my calories add up to. My new daily calorie aim is: day A - <200 calories; day B - <400 calories; day C <500 calories. and I shall repeat this in a cycle. I estimate to reach my next goal in about 3 & a half weeks. and then the final goal 4 weeks after that. then  I will head for my next goal - 104lbs, which i should reach my next goal in another 4 weeks - in the first week of October. After that I will head for my final final goal - 97lbs, I estimate to reach it in 4.5 weeks. so I should reach it just after halloween. I do not intend to go further but if I do I should reach 90lbs a couple of weeks before christmas, and then 83lbs a bit before my birthday, and hopefully 80lbs by my 18th. I will not try to go lighter than that. but I will from whenever I go off my diet onwards eat 1200 calories a day. which is the maintenance calories for me at 77lbs so i might drop slowly the last couple of lbs. and I will never eat more than 1300 calories a day - 1300 cal per day will keep me just and only just below 100lbs. looking at this you must be thinking wow she has a lot of calculations but thats just the way my brain works, i calculate everything. I think it's because I am good at maths. It also makes it easier - I know exactly where I'm heading if I do whatever. For instance I know I only had to eat on average just under 1500 calories a day to reach the weight I was at before!! my highest weight ever. that isn't much at all and isn't much more than what I need to maintain my calories at si I know I need to be very careful! and if I ate the "recommended" daily amount of calories for a woman - 2000 - I would weight OVER 260lbs!!!! so I have to be very careful. I'm also thinking about the amounts of fats, protein, carbs, etc I will need to eat. at the moment I'm eating just over  20g of protein a day and eating about 250 calories. so to reach my calorie goal I would need to eat about 5 times as much. so my protein would be 100g or so - I only need 40. I am on a vegan diet so this proves the myth that being vegan means you can't get enough protein. Also I have not been at all hungry so a vegan diet is so helpful with losing weight! If I doubled my intake I would feel stuffed constantly, be eating more protein than I need, and still eating under half the amount of fats and calories I need! that = perfect weight loss with the ability to tone up easily too! I ♥ vegan! and am much less in love with ana & mia now - haven't had ana since deciding to be vegan - vegan has just as fast effects, well I suppose technically a diet this low in calories is ana.. and mia, well havn't had her in ages, well except last night but I binged on vegan cake that I made, I felt like i was gunna be sick anyways so just speeded up the process.
xX Ana-Mia Xx