57Kg and an obsession with numbers

I have reached goal one! BUT I stupidly thought I was not going to make it for ages so haven't brought my prize - eyelash dye, and have no money to go and get it.. sooo I've decided I'll give myself the next prize now. I will dye my hair and then dye my eyelashes when I reach my next goal. a new mini goal also means a new BMR - my body would use 1379.8 calories at my next goal so I will now be using 1380 (rounded up, it worries me when I round up) as my calories to NEVER go over in a day, and my aim is in any 3 days for that to be the maximum my calories add up to. My new daily calorie aim is: day A - <200 calories; day B - <400 calories; day C <500 calories. and I shall repeat this in a cycle. I estimate to reach my next goal in about 3 & a half weeks. and then the final goal 4 weeks after that. then  I will head for my next goal - 104lbs, which i should reach my next goal in another 4 weeks - in the first week of October. After that I will head for my final final goal - 97lbs, I estimate to reach it in 4.5 weeks. so I should reach it just after halloween. I do not intend to go further but if I do I should reach 90lbs a couple of weeks before christmas, and then 83lbs a bit before my birthday, and hopefully 80lbs by my 18th. I will not try to go lighter than that. but I will from whenever I go off my diet onwards eat 1200 calories a day. which is the maintenance calories for me at 77lbs so i might drop slowly the last couple of lbs. and I will never eat more than 1300 calories a day - 1300 cal per day will keep me just and only just below 100lbs. looking at this you must be thinking wow she has a lot of calculations but thats just the way my brain works, i calculate everything. I think it's because I am good at maths. It also makes it easier - I know exactly where I'm heading if I do whatever. For instance I know I only had to eat on average just under 1500 calories a day to reach the weight I was at before!! my highest weight ever. that isn't much at all and isn't much more than what I need to maintain my calories at si I know I need to be very careful! and if I ate the "recommended" daily amount of calories for a woman - 2000 - I would weight OVER 260lbs!!!! so I have to be very careful. I'm also thinking about the amounts of fats, protein, carbs, etc I will need to eat. at the moment I'm eating just over  20g of protein a day and eating about 250 calories. so to reach my calorie goal I would need to eat about 5 times as much. so my protein would be 100g or so - I only need 40. I am on a vegan diet so this proves the myth that being vegan means you can't get enough protein. Also I have not been at all hungry so a vegan diet is so helpful with losing weight! If I doubled my intake I would feel stuffed constantly, be eating more protein than I need, and still eating under half the amount of fats and calories I need! that = perfect weight loss with the ability to tone up easily too! I ♥ vegan! and am much less in love with ana & mia now - haven't had ana since deciding to be vegan - vegan has just as fast effects, well I suppose technically a diet this low in calories is ana.. and mia, well havn't had her in ages, well except last night but I binged on vegan cake that I made, I felt like i was gunna be sick anyways so just speeded up the process.
xX Ana-Mia Xx

Still not losing weight!

Today I ate:
porridge made with just oats, water and cocoa powder, estimated calories: 150
some salad with cucumber, iceberg lettuce, cherry tomatoes & sweet chili sauce, estimated calories: 100-120
rice, soy mince, Bolognese sauce, iceberg lettuce & cherry tomatoes, estimated calories: 135
dark chocolate, 2.5 pieces, calories: 165
diet lemonade, estimated calories: 5
total calorie intake: 570 calories
my BMR at next  goal weight: -1410
todays deficit:  -840 calories
target calories for tomorrow: 200-300
meal plan for tomorrow:
   Breakfast: 5g porridge oats, 5g cocoa powder, 100ml water = 36 calories
   lunch: todays leftovers from supper = 140 calories
   supper: 100g iceberg lettuce, 200g cucumber, 2 cherry tomatoes  = 41 calories
   snack: 1 peach = 38 calories
          total calories: 255  =) calorie deficit: -1155

Gained Weight! =(

I am now about 132lbs (60Kg). not good! BUT I am now more determined! and I am going to give myself a reward scheme:
Reach 125lbs (57Kg) - Dye eyelashes black - no need for mascara :D
Reach 118lbs (53.5Kg) - Dye hair  with temporary Blonde - no more mistake ginger! =D
Reach 111lbs (50Kg) - Get Belly Button Piercing! - looks cute
Reach 104lbs (47Kg) - Look Amazing! Get new clothes
Maintain!
so hopefully this will keep me going :) I MUST reach my goal I WILL reach my goal!!!

xX Ana-Mia Xx

Failing Again

I'm still 58.4Kg. not much else to say other than I am now on the first day of a 10 day fast and hope to get my weight back on track! oh and I did eat and drink a bit much :/

Losing More

I just weighed myself at 128lbs or 58.2Kg. I am pleased at this - it is my first stone gone =) and in less than a month I keep losing weight at this speed by the end of this month I will be 112lbs (8stone) which is just ONE POUND off what I used to be!!! and then I will have 10 days to lose more weight and tone up a bit before camp. I am very happy and this is making me really want to continue on a stick to my plan even more.
at 8 stone (the end of the month) I should look like this girl:

This is definitely my favorite thinsperation because she looks just like I used to! ♥ but I intend to go thinner than this. about a stone lower!  then I will look perfect! =D so I think I have 2 months to go until perfection!! =D
xX Ana-Mia Xx 

Random Questions

Me
Age: 17
Height: 5’2/5'3
Weight: 129lbs
Dress Size: ??
Goal Weight: 98lbs
Favorite Diet Food: cucumber or lettuce
Favorite Binge Food: chocolate :/
Favorite Exercise: rowing or biking
Where Do You Slip Up: “just one... I crave it so much... oh dear i binged again”

When Did It Start?
Hating your body: about age 4 or 5? then really badly by age 9.
Restricting/counting: age 9
Does Anyone Know:  kinda
Do You Want Help: NO!!!!!
How Many Calories Do You Consume a Day: ranging from 0-500 except when I binge :/
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror: a fat, bloated, pig with no control.
Are You In A Relationship: yes =)
Are You Depressed:  I think so
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide: yes twice. I even fail at that.
Ever Been To A Psychologist: yeah... ugghh

I AM 
[x] anorexic
[ ] ednos
[x] bulimic
[] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[ ] thirsty
[x] drinking something - water!!!
[ ] under 100lbs
[x]starving yourself
[x] participating in a fast

PEOPLE  
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat 
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH 
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn’t have to eat
[x] I could control myself 
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE 
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[ ] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE 
[x] I am shorter than 5’4
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[/] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[ ] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents
[x] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together. <--- my mum died about a year ago  but they are in spirit
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.

RELATIONSHIPS
[ ] I’m single.
[x] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[ ] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[ ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[ ] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY 
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.

BAD TIMES 
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
[x] I shut others out
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying.
[x] I’ve lost weight.
[x] I’ve gained weight.
[x] My weight holds me back.
[x] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I’m at my thinnest.
[ ] I’m at my biggest.
[ ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back.
[x] My weight affects my mood.
[x] I weigh myself daily.
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me.
[ ] I thrive on compliments.
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size.
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry.
[x] I get depressed after I eat.
[x] I’ve skipped a meal.
[x] I’ve thrown food away.
[x] I’ve spit food out.
[x] I’ve fasted.
[ ] I’ve taken diet pills.
[] I’ve used laxatives.
[x] I’ve purged.

EXERCISE
[x] I exercise.
[ ] I exercise so I can eat.
[x] I work out secretly.
[x] I work out daily.
[x] I exercise to counteract eating.
[x] I’ve fainted from exhaustion.

I’VE DONE
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret.
[x] I have a diet blog.
[x] I look at thinspo.
[x] I collect thinspo.
[x] I’m doing this for me.
[ ] I’m doing this for someone.
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself

Another fail!

stepped on the scales this morning - 59.0 and was so happy! but had this thing at college where the prospective students go round having lessons. then at lunch there was so much food and so many people making me eat! =( and then at christian youth group. I purged when I got home but I now weigh 59.3 =',(
xX Ana-Mia Xx